
                     A QUANTITY OF QUALITY TIME

                          by Kimberly Hahn

Here comes the whopper-stopper question: What about socialization?
When people ask that question they look like they are about to see us
falter in our praise of home education. After all, isn't that the
insurmountable objection? Catholic home education may be good
academically and even more thoroughly Catholic than most other
options, but should it even be seriously considered in the light of
the obvious lack of "socialization"? 

The implication is that if our children are educated in the narrow
environment of home, they could become social morons, unable to cope
in the "real" world. But what our concerned friends and family
members are about to see will astound them-socialization is a primary
reason for home education. Really.

On the positive side, we need to address what is a proper outlook on
socialization and what are the best means by which we can help our
children "increase in stature with God and man" as Jesus did (Luke
2:52) in social skills. On the negative side, we will look at some of
the influences in any institutional setting which must be faced
squarely in making the important decision of where our children
should receive their education.

Let's begin with a good working definition of socialization before we
apply it to formal education. Socialization is not the ability to be
sociable, though certainly it is important to get along with others.
Socialization, from a Biblical basis, is to learn how to function
within the Body of Christ individually and corporately.

Some of the social aspects of functioning within the Body of Christ
individually include the following: knowing how to treat others as
brothers and sisters in Christ-loving unconditionally, forgiving
others and asking for forgiveness, serving, giving, practicing true
friendship by speaking the truth in love, sharing possessions and
sacrificing for others, including giving generously toward the
financial needs of others.

Some of the corporate aspects of functioning within the Body of
Christ include the following: obeying the authorities God has
established in our lives-God, parents, spiritual leaders, and civil
authorities; developing family ministries to those less fortunate,
especially to orphans and widows (which St. James points out
constitutes pure religion); learning what are the specific spiritual
gifts of each member of the family and how they are best suited for
service in the Church; appreciating the spiritual gifts of others and
allowing them to share; knowing how and when to lead as a servant
leader, and how and when to follow (thoughtfully, not mindlessly).

Catholic socialization highlights how we are to know, love and serve
the Lord corporately as Church. And the family seems the best
environment in which to practice these "socialization graces" in
order that they might learn how best to function in the Family of
God.

These various aspects of Catholic socialization are hardly ever
addressed in a public school classroom, and may have to be
marginalized in many Catholic classrooms due to lack of time. Yet
these are the very principles that demonstrate to our children who
they are in the Church and how they are to corporately love and serve
the Lord.

Notice there are no scripture passages dealing with the sin of
shyness. If there are special reasons why someone is shy that need to
be overcome (low self-esteem, a wounded spirit, or a self-righteous
attitude), those specific needs should be addressed.  But a person
who has a quiet spirit, who does not need to be the center of
attention, could be exhibiting godly behavior and yet be marked down
in the classroom for being "backward." 

It is the institutional setting of age-segregated socialization that
is an artificially narrow form of socialization. Where else in
society do we find people primarily with their agemates? In the home,
the neighborhood, the marketplace and the Church we find a mixture of
ages. And it is in the home first and foremost that the child is
better prepared to learn social skills in an age-integrated
environment which will prepare him for the "real" world. 

Home is the best place for learning good manners and polite
conversation. Here respect for others can best be enforced. It's not
that our children will not need to grow in these areas-of course they
will. It's just that as parents we will be there to guide them:
correcting misbehavior, explaining right attitudes and actions, and
assisting them in practicing respectful interaction with others. 

Children who are formed socially in an age-segregated institution
tend to become less and less interested in playing with children that
are younger than themselves. Whereas home educated children tend to
be comfortable with a much broader range of ages.  Often children who
are schooled at home do not act like younger children are to be
avoided; rather, they are included in play with older children. They
also speak comfortably with college students and other adults,
including elderly folk.

In contrast, there are negative aspects associated with socialization
in institutional setting. The writer of Proverbs warns us against
being in the company of fools, and there are times when
peer-dominated situations are just that. The children who accomplish
certain skills or get the best grades are not praised-to protect
themselves from being envied, they quickly learn to keep their
successes quiet. The children who rise to the level of leadership in
an ordinary classroom may not be the model of behavior, but others
quickly learn that to get his/her attention, they will need to
conform to the leaders' behavior or face ridicule or worse.

Negative socialization which leads to copycat objectionable behavior
and/or speech is a consequence of peerdominated education. This can
produce a kind of herd mentality.  Peer dependency can lead to an
adoption of peers' values as a reference point instead of the child's
family and Church values. Certain antisocial behavior (such as
exclusive cliques, ridicule, disrespect, and unkindness) can be
modeled at school and the temptation to imitate it intensifies, even
with godly children. One Christian woman said that for years
following her public school education she struggled with foul
language because she had been inundated with it in school.

Sin is inevitable and the home is no exception. But in the home, the
parents can deal with both the sins of commission and those of
godliness omitted. Within the larger context of our local home
education support group or our local parish, we can have
socialization opportunities for home educators.

We who home educate must guard our children's hearts from becoming
puffed up with pride and self-righteousness that they are not like
the children in typical classrooms who follow poor leaders just to be
accepted. If we end up creating independent mavericks who are not
capable of being thoughtful followers, then we have missocialized
them. We can model correct attitudes by demonstrating to the children
that we do not home educate because we are sufficient for their
education, but because we believe God will enable us to be faithful
with their education.

Due to the nature of the family, home educated students have scored
higher on "self- concept" tests and measurement of leadership than
public school peers. That should not surprise us to learn that the
secure, loving environment of home builds confidence and independence
(rather than peer dependence) in our children. And it is just such a
strong self-concept which will enable our children to take
courageous, unpopular stands, especially in defense of the weak and
innocent people in our world. "Not fitting in" may be the better way
when our children are called upon to follow Christ's example rather
than that of peers.

Various studies have shown that home educated children are less
aggressive than institutionally educated children. Home schoolers
demonstrated a better ability to work independently and confidently. 

The socialization benefits of home education include greater family
cohesiveness-we know each other better and the siblings relate
better.

There is more time to create family culture. The flexibility in the
family's schedule can accomodate irregular work schedules so that
time with the father is much more possible. 

Though some people speak of quality time with family members in the
midst of hectic school, sports, and work schedules, in reality we
must choose where we will spend the children's best hours of the day.
Through home education, we can take advantage of a quantity of
quality time together.

Socialization is, in fact, an excellent reason to home educate our
children. As we take seriously our God-given responsibility to
instruct them in the Faith (not just in catechism but even more in
practical Christian living), and give them opportunities to
demonstrate these principles in family life, we will be best
preparing them to serve Christ and His Church in society. May God
grant us the grace to be faithful in this vital task. 

Mother of four Kimberly Hahn lives in Steubenville, OH where she
leads a large Catholic homeschooling group. She lectures and travels
with her well-known husband, Scott, and was instrumental in the
founding of NACHE. She is currently co-authoring a book on Catholic
home education to be published this year by Ignatius Press.

This article was taken from the Pentecost 1994 issue of "The Catholic
Home Educator".  To subscribe send $12.00 to The Catholic Home
Educator, P.O. Box 420225, San Diego, CA 92142.

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